Ali G: Da filth, scum, pig, this is some of the terrible things the police is called. Other things include the fuzz and the fuzzy muff. But you gotta give the flange respect, cos they is keeping the streets safe from the most dangerous weapons.
This is Detective Superintendent David Hatcher from the police. He’s here to show us some of the terrible weapons that brothers is using on brothers every day.
Ain’t that right? Now, what is this?
Detective: Basically it’s two bits of wood. lt’s called a chukka, sometimes is called flail.
Ali G: So where can you this kind of thing from?
Detective: You can’t buy them in this country legally.
Ali G: For real. Which countries can you buy these things from?
Detective: l’m not going to advertise where they can come from.
Ali G: For real. What has we got in here?
Detective: Right, this looks like… this is actually a very small knife, a dagger that, as you can see…
Ali G: That is interesting. And how much is one of these?
Detective: To buy? I’ve no idea.
Ali G: Aye, for real. So what about this. ls this well dangerous. That is wicked. What is that? ls that well dangerous if you go like that and then, like, flick that around? What is that?
Detective: lt’s dangerous any way you you can use it. lt’s got a sharp point, it’s got a blade.
Ali G: That is mental, man. l ain’t never seen anything like that. How do you carry that? Like that or…?
So what if you was, say, in the kitchen, chopping carrots with a machete cos you don’t have anything
and then the phone ring and then it slip into your sock and then you is running to get a bus and it fall into someone’s arm, you know, a couple of times… is that legal or illegal?
Detective: You’ve got a wild imagination.
Ali G: Me’s thinkin’ about the law. Would that be legal or illegal?
Detective: Absolutely illegal. No court is gonna believe that that sequence of events was likely to occur.
Ali G: So would this be legal to carry around? Because that is…
Detective: No, because that’s designed only for one purpose. You couldn’t convince me you’d got that with you for anything legal.
Ali G: What if you said you’d got it for your packed lunch?
Detective: l don’t think you’d convince the court, Ali. Cos l don’t believe you. You’re coming with me.
Ali G:Aye, where?
Detective: To the police station.
Ali G: What, now?
Detective: lf you like.
Ali G: What do you mean?
Detective: Because you’re being arrested.
Ali G: O’rite, you’re pretending to be… l didn’t understand what you was talking about.
What kind of excuses do a court believe with knives?
Detective: lf it’s the truth and it’s reasonable, hopefully the court will believe it.
l won’t give you a list of what a court might believe, because you could use that excuse and it not really be true.
Ali G: Has you ever come in contact with a criminal who can put in a hand into someone’s body and take out the heart and just go like that?
l know they see that on the films and whatever, but if you was really trained at kung fu or whatever you can do that.
Detective: There may be somebody who can. lt’s news to me.
Ali G: So what is you gonna do with all these weapons afterwards?
Detective: They’ll be taken to an iron foundry and melted down
and destroyed.
Ali G: So would you auction them?
Detective: No way.
Ali G: What about if it was for charity?
Detective: Not even for charity.
ALi G: Thank you very much, Chief Superintendent. Big up. Respek